Monday, April 06, 2009

Never trust rectal flatus.

What a day. We arrived at our appointed time and I was whisked into the Endoscopy Suite. At the first opportunity I informed the nurse of my trepidation. She was sympathetic. All was going well until she spoke the words "conscious sedation." Say what? Oh no, the deal is I am going to be out/zonked/oblivious.
"That's not the way it works," she says with a trilling little laugh. Remember, when I mentioned that I was on my last nerve?

I had a melt down. She patted my hand and said, "We won't talk about it any more."

Nurse #2 comes along, takes one look at my tears and says I am going to stay with you. More tears. I didn't think I had anymore water left in me.

The two of us plus bed roll off down the hall to meet the surgeon. "What is this?" he asks when he catches sight of my distraught face. We have a little heart to heart and he asks what he can do to help. Easy. "Knock me out." I practically yelled. OK he says. 100cc's of something and about 3cc's of something else. I felt fuzzy. At one point I experienced some cramping but it went away or I did. I was oblivious to everything. Woke up in recovery. Embarrassed by my tears now, everyone was very kind. Good bill of health, no problems. "There," says perky nurse, "You are good for 10 years." Perk this honey. I am not coming back.

What they neglect tell you!

The bowel is filled with air during the procedure. "It is good clean air and don't worry about it," says nurse #3. Just let it go. Yeah right. Remember the poison I took at 4 am? Need I say more than do Not Trust Rectal Flatus. Carl thought maybe ingesting corn starch might help. Had to laugh. After being up with me half the night he has gone to work and won't be home until some god foresaken hour. He is such a good man I cut him some slack over the cornstartch comment.

(edit for humour)


FeyRhi said...

"Oh ouchie my bum" in sympathy! I'm glad it's over and you are feeling better. You sounded better on the phone then I expected so now I feel better. LOL

I'm sending you an email, After reading this post, I think you will find it funny. Or you won't and your gonna pinch my arm the next time I see you.

Love you!

happyone said...

Glad to hear you got over that ordeal.
I was completely knocked out too - thank goodness.