My heart is heavy.......

Michael phoned me tonight to say that Susan's husband Bill was found dead today. I just went to Susan's funeral 2 weeks ago. My poor nephews. My heart is full of pity. Sadness for a man who wasted his whole life addicted to alcohol and sadness for 2 young men who have lost their parental grand mother, their mother and their father in less than 2 months.. Bill has been trying to kill himself since the day I met him. But Susan wanted him and I stood up with them when they got married. I just never expected to be with them at their funeral. Philip came home from work to find his father dead in his chair. I truly believe that my father was right. He always said," When your time is up your time is up."
Poor Bill, I spoke with him after Susan's funeral he was so sad and so drunk. To his twin sister I extend my heartfelt sympathy , the sight of him failing over the years must have broken her heart. I have brothers, it would have broken mine.
Alcoholism is a disease. It robs a person of their life when they are alive, early death is just inevitable. ...sigh...
For your Information I Include the following I got from the AA web site:
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)

Yes No

2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.

Yes No

3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.

Yes No

4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."

Yes No

5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.

Yes No

6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.

Yes No

7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.

Yes No

8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.

Yes No

9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.

Yes No

10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.

Yes No

11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.

Yes No

12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Yes No

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way.

But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call.

A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.

I DID IT

HAPPY DANCE TIME

I am jiving with the NANO Dudes! I have written the required amount of words to complete my challenge. The scarey part is that now I have some time to read it over and maybe add some more..or maybe not. I almost hate to see the end I have become so caught up in my character this year she has taken on a personality. The other characters have made me laugh and cry. Me thinks perhaps this one has some potential!

Cute graphic no I do not have hairy hands....lolol

100 Things about Me

November 2007
One Hundred Things About Me:
1. My age doesn’t bother me; after all you are as old as you feel.
2. I grew up in a border town hence my tolerance for American politics, in general, is pretty thin.
3. I think Canadians need to be more Patriotic.
4. I believe in a higher power, I have Catholic leanings but as I age I think God is a woman!
5. I am a perfectionist.
6. I have a monumental inferiority complex, I cover it well.
7. I am terrified of roller coasters.
8. I love to teach.
9. My favourite colour is teal or pink or blue.
10. I wish I was bilingual.
11. My favourite teacher was in High School, Ancient History; I am so damn old now I have forgotten his name but not his teaching style.
12. I enjoy being alone but I can be the life of the party.
13. I am a daydreamer.
14. I hated someone once, not a good idea don’t do it is self destructive. Trust in Karma!
15. I have been bankrupt.
16. I was intimidated by Nancy Grimmell and Barbara Brown in school they were smart and had perfect hair. I looked like I had been dragged through the bushes backwards hence I must be stupid.
17. I am very organized.
18. I hate to clean
19. I love to cook.
20. I can’t hit a baseball to save my life.
21. I am an accomplished needlewoman; there is an old fashioned term for you.
22. I am non violent. I have been known to burst into tears at a hockey game when a fight broke out.
23. I will kill you if you hurt my children/grandchildren.
24. I believe in capital punishment.
25. I am prepared to answer for #23.
26. I have been rejected, cheated on and lied too.
27. I did the same years later, not happy about that.
28. I am content for the first time in years.
29. I dislike talking on the phone, I do it all day.
30. My most favourite job was the Video Manager at Steve’s TV in Kitchener
31. Second favourite: Office Manager, my present job.
32. My idol is still my Grandmother, Edith Jessie MacDiarmid Cottrell, a class act all the way!
33. I regret never going to university
34. I have allowed that to intimidate me.
35. I want to write at least one novel in my lifetime.
36. This is my second year participating in the National Novel Writing Month I won last year. This year is a shoo-in.
37. I had a friend who was gay. It was sad, in retrospect I let this person down; I just didn't know how to be supportive. We lost touch; times have changed, I would like a chance to talk. I have never forgotten the friendship.
38. I have never smoked pot.
39. I have eaten a dozen donuts......gag
40. I try very hard not to favour one child/grandchild over another.
41. I do not always succeed.
42. I hate and do not understand teasing.
43. I prefer fish over beef.
44. I could be a vegetarian, easily.
45. I prefer cake over pie.
46. I spend money like water.
47. I want to be famous for something.
48. Bread and butter should be served with everything.
49. I still miss my father (1994) and my grandfather (1965)
50. I am a romantic.
51. I remember my first kiss, my first love, my FIRST.
52. It wasn’t that great. Like everything else experience is the key!
53. The first car I ever bought and paid for was a Tempo. Black, red interior, no air conditioning.
54. The second is the one I have now, red with a black interior and this time I have air conditioning.
55. I do not like anchovies.
56. Unless they are in Caesar salad.
57. I got lost in Pompeii.
58. I am generous.
59. The most influential person in my life: My Mother
60. I put ice cubes in my wine.
61. I listen to books on tape while I knit.
62. I have loved twice in my life, deeply passionately.
63. I have been wearing Enchantress Pantyhose, buy them online, since the late 90’s
64. I love to travel.
65. Although not an animal person I am attached to my Shih Tzu, Chloe.
66. I enjoy most music, I don’t usually know who is singing but I like it.
67. When eating at a restaurant I will send bad food back to the kitchen.
68. I treat myself to a pedicure once a month.
69. I dislike intolerance in others.
70. I am not a bigot...unless you are from south of the 49th. *Big Grin*
71. I can be shallow.
72. I have worn acrylic nails since 1998.
73. I admire my 4 children.
74. I believe in spirits. The ghostly kind!
75. The best birthday card I ever received said, “ Age doesn’t matter if you have money” open the card and it says, ” Oh Crap”... that was the month I declared bankruptcy.
76. I have one, true, forgive me everything, we will be in the old folks home together, girl friend.
77. I want to give all my really good jewellery away while I am still alive.
78. I have already started doing just that.
79. I wear my Grandmother’s (the Welsh one) wedding band as a symbol of the relationship I am in.
80. I am a yarn-a-holic.
81. I am happier in a skirt than a pair of jeans.
82. I used to bowl on a ten pin league; I was the only one in a skirt!
83. I love the sound of a Scottish brogue.
84. The best modern invention after the microwave and the four slice toaster is the crock pot
85. Best sex, a Scotsman...see #83
86. The best holiday as a child : Pointe au Baril Station, Ontario at my Great grandparents cottage on Winnie Lone, an island in Georgian Bay
87. The best holiday as an adult: one week in England, one week in Ireland and 2 weeks on the continent: Netherlands, France, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland and Italy. All in the same month.
88. I detest exercise.
89. The bigger the book I am reading, the better.
90. I love lace.
91. I detest taxes.
92. I do not have a family doctor.
93. I do not watch soap operas on TV.
94. If I could go back in my life there are some things I would change.
95. The place I miss the most: Rockwood Conservation Park
96. The place I am glad I left: Milton, Ont.
97. I have a weakness for men with beards.
98. I do not like worms.
99. I like “Pomp and Ceremony.”
100. My most memorable book, "Below The Salt." by Thomas Costain. My first "grown up" book.

So I said to Gord this morning......

"What are the chances of a couple of days off"? I am knackered!

I had a wonderful weekend with my grand daughters. But I have to tell you I am getting older. whew.
Sunday afternoon we both collapsed. You could almost eat the silence...lolol
To say nothing of my digestion. Pancakes for breakfast and popcorn, pop and strawberry twizlers for lunch....* burp*.. sorry
Can't wait until we do it again.........*Big Grin*

Grami & Girls weekend.

This past weekend two of my grand daughters have been visiting London. We went shopping at our favourite store...."Dollarama." Ryleigh bought farts in a jar called a "flarp." Teaghan bought a package of paper cut out dolls. Shades of my childhood. I didn't even know they made cut outs any more. In between madness, mayham, rollo ice cream cones, a flat tire on my car, seeing Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium and teaching Ryleigh to knit I managed to write on my Nano project.
I will need to go back to work for a rest....lolol
Ryleigh keeps running up behind Carl and making the flarp noise and then saying, "Carl how could you." That child has an evil laugh.
Ryleigh chose my avatar wardrobe and location. It says something that this is how she see's me.

Pittance of time

My Grandfather, Ernie Cottrell, 17 years old, Queens Own Rifles. He was at Vimy Ridge WW I
The following Video is a touching reminder that 2 minutes of our time is precious little to to say thank you this Remembrance Day. It is based on a true story :

On November 11, 1999 Terry Kelly was in a Shoppers Drug
Mart store in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. At 10:55 AM an announcement came
over the store's PA asking customers who would still be on the premises
at 11:00AM to give two minutes of silence in respect to the veterans who
have sacrificed so much for us. Terry was impressed with the store's
leadership role in adopting the Legion's 'two minutes of silence'
initiative. He felt that the store's contribution of educating the
public to the importance of remembering was commendable. When eleven
o'clock arrived on that day, an announcement was again made asking for
the 'two minutes of silence' to commence. All customers, with the
exception of a man who was accompanied by his young child, showed their
respect. Terry's anger towards the father for trying to engage the
store's clerk in conversation and for setting a bad example for his
child was later channelled into a beautiful piece of work called, 'A
Pittance of Time'.

This is not my day!

So like a fool I went to the hairdresser. This would be the 7th since I moved here. Nobody listens.
I was there from 10:30 to 1 pm I am going back at 2:30.

Instead of cone head now I look like box head. She cut too much off the back and I said I wanted the colour a light blond not brassy. She says well how be I do highlights and colour. I said I do not want brassy blond. Just lighter than what I have now. Now it is dark brown with blond steaks and poker straight. I said to her I don't want fuzzy but I like a smooth curl. And wax what is the obsession with wax? "Blow dry it away from my face," I say. It is straight down. That I can fix. I hope.

She is going to give me blond. Today! I am in no mood for this shit. We have tickets for Bobby Curtola tonight and I am trying to get into an upbeat frame of mind for this evening.
It is not working.

Susan passed away at 6:30 this morning. How petty am I to complain about the hairdresser?
Life is so brief. I am operating on auto pilot.

Memories

I hear these little voices in my head. They are my children, when they were small. "Auntie Sue look, Auntie Sue see."
The only sister I have ever had stopped breathing while driving her 80 yr old mother home from shopping. Ingrid grabbed the wheel and the car went off the road through a chain link fence and hit a tree. In a school yard. The children were in class. Susan had taught junior school for 33 years she retired this year. She was Susan "I" I was Susan "A". She is in intensive care in Niagara Falls Hospital. The prognosis is about as bad as it can be. There is no brain function and she is on life support. She is 58 yrs old and has 2 wonderful sons. A year ago last September, her younger sister Sandy passed away leaving a wee boy without a mother. The family will have to decide the "when" there does not appear to be any hope. She is already gone.
My children are devastated. Although I am now technically a sister-out-law as opposed to "in" she always was happy to see me. We shared 30 years together. My mortality is crashing around me.

NaNo Update

There seems to be a problem with the Nano web pages and I will be unable to post my word count until they get their widgets fixed. So I will post here. Goal for today is 2000 words.
I think this one is going to be better than last year!

I have started my NANOWRIMO

Just to let you know I won't be around too much...at least I hope not, over the next month. I have started my novel "Remember Me."
Emily Malone, an agoraphobic, lives and works in the same building. Her employer, Mr James of "Hybourne Antiques" is found murdered right after a shipment has arrived with inconsistencies in the inventory. Emily's safe world has now been invaded. Not only does she want answers why someone would kill Mr. James but .......................
Time to get down to some serious work!